Obama to replace Jesus on the cross


Due to the near universal support President Obama has received for supplanting Andrew Jackson with Harriet Tubman, the President made an announcement today that he will be signing an executive order to replace Jesus on the cross with Oprah Winfrey.  While this executive order does not go into effect until December 2016, retailers Amazon and Walmart have already begun to implement the change. Southern conservatives found themselves in an awkward quandary as their initial argument about the separation between Church and State threatened to undo years of ideology. When asked for comment on how she felt about her new position, Mrs. Winfrey stated; "Jesus was a wonderful man, but my market share is already three times larger than his ever was."  Presumptive republican nominee, Donald Trump, was quick to tweet, "Another example of political correctness run amok. I should be the one on that cross! #MakeJesusGreatAgain"